Waiting for my rocket to come.

One year.

Approximately one year ago, the night before moving out of my dorm, saw me sitting alone on a bench overlooking the Charles River. I hugged my knees to my chest and cried. I was terrified of where my life was headed. I remember feeling like a failure. I remember feeling so very alone.

Tonight, on the night before I move out of my dorm, I packed with my roommate while dancing and singing loudly to Disney Pandora. I feel refreshed. I feel sad leaving my friends, but I look forward to seeing them again soon. I feel ready to face what’s next.

I feel like I’ve succeeded this year. I feel happy and alive.

Cool it, homeboy.

Okay, so I love my Stats professor. He’s super cool. He helps me to actually not despise statistics. But he seriously needs to stop calling math problems sexy. 

Dude, it’s getting weird.

Witnessed a gay marriage proposal.

Oh my god. I want to cry just thinking about it now. Why do I have to get so damn emotional about these things?

It was at an a capella concert at BU…the one that was proposed to graduated last year. 

Of course, since it was an a capella show, the group sang “You are the Best Thing” by Ray LaMontagne to them. 

Me and my friends were just like,

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL.

Trying to picture what my summer will be like.

My best friends are going to be scattered around the country (and in one case, in Spain) while I’m at home. It’s going to be especially hard on me that my sister will be in Chicago for almost the entire summer. Obviously it’s an amazing opportunity for her, and I’m happy for her, it’s just going to be strange without her.

It’ll be weird not to wake up in the morning and be like, “Good morning, Laur! Let’s grab bagels and figure out what we want to do today.” That’s pretty much how it has always been. 

Of course I’ll be working, so that’ll take some of my time. I don’t know, I have this image in my head of me just sitting out on the beach - when it’s just dark enough to not get burned, but still light enough to see things clearly - with my guitar and a notebook and just writing. Enjoying the ocean’s breeze and the sand between my toes. Sensations and visions like that are just enough to inspire sometimes.

Something about that kind of solitude doesn’t scare me, and I’ve been scared a lot lately. I take comfort in that thought alone that this summer won’t be a complete bust.

I got judged today for watching old Disney movies as an adult.

For real.

Just because I have no younger siblings doesn’t mean I can’t continue to enjoy movies like Aladdin and Hercules! Excuse me while I go watch The Little Mermaid simply because it’s been a while.